Tuesday, November 28, 2006
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{Nostalgia is such a sweet act;
Mood: nostalgic but sleepy
Listening to: I Drive Myself Crazy by (the long forgotten) N*Sync
Gawd!~ Yesterday was MDC's Foundation Day. It was really tiring considering the fact that I was assigned for its Narrative Report and a little on the documentation. It didn't go as I expected, but it was good enough that we were able to put up a program on such short notice.
This made me remember about how I used to spend our school fair back in CSR. I really missed those days; I was just relaxing in the auditorium and rehearsing my lines for the play. I missed the pizzas, the paint-it-yourself figurines that sell for 40 bucks, the rides that you can go about when you're bored, the giant slide that I only got on when it was already nighttime and nobody's there to break my fall, the usually hyped-up cheering competition and the lovely people I spent those good days with.
Probably, I'd take this opportunity to list down the people who I miss the most, with all my heart: Haeja, Agang, Eunice Garo, Jenna-Kat, Vica (Baby Star), Missy, Abby C., Ayra, Pepay, Jonah, Edz, Jazer, Mel, Gide, Mako, Jam, Kepe, Maia, Ikang, Ming, Melai, Nina (Hon!), Fatima, Chatty (Chippy koh!), Chamae, Pyra (Crush!), Shebop, Tats, Hazel A. (Dude!)...
And the list goes on.. (if I forget somebody, beat me the next time you see me)
It's really ironic that these nostalgic moments come about whenever I feel the need to detach myself from all the stress. Maybe these people made me sane (somehow), maybe they changed my life one way or another. But it all comes down to this: I will always thank everyone who've been a part of my life, and touched my soul. I shall never forget the things you've said to me, and every moment that I've spent with you guys is really treasured.
I may sound 'corny' or whatnot right now, but if you'll test me (even with my failing memory), I would somehow manage to tell you a moment when we were together and narrate it like it was just yesterday. Right now, I feel so sorry for taking for granted back then those moments, when there were times when I wanted to 'speed things up' and get things over with. Now, I wished it had gone to a slow millisecond motion so that I could savor every particle of it.
But as they say, I should not worry about yesterday because it can never be changed. All I can do is accept it and learn from it.
By the way, to those people who are listed here (and not listed, too), thank you for everything. You may not know it, but you've done a great deal in shaping me to who I am now. I'll forever be greatful..
Y
i'M STiLL LOViNG iT!
Y
12:08 AM
Friday, November 24, 2006
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{Starbucks = Love;
Mood: stressed, still
Listening to: Fergalicious by Fergie
I've been in great stress lately, what with the strenuous preparations for the upcoming MDC Foundation Day this 27th and my studies. But all I can say is that...
I love Starbucks!~
I drank a venti Mocha Frapp yesterday.
I drank a grande Mocha Frapp this morning.
I paid for Tart's grande Peppermint Frapp this morning.
Okay, this makes no sense. Yet coffee can be a source of happiness, if you're well under stress.
Alright!
Y
i'M STiLL LOViNG iT!
Y
10:07 AM
Thursday, November 16, 2006
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{Lose yourself in the game.. of life;
Mood: sad/nostalgic
Listening to: The First Cut Is The Deepest by Sheryl Crow
I woke up early today to do something for our Chemistry lab class.
After that, I viewed this blog to see Haeja's tags. I also opened my Friendster account to see some pictures, and I saw some pretty 'envious' things.
And I felt sad. Sad because I feel that I am a threat to myself. Sad because I can't even talk to my closest highschool friends. Sad because I lost touch of what I can do with life.
'The world doesn't revolve around us'. True. Haeja was always true, and this brought me to tears. She always knew who I really was more than I knew myself. For the past weeks, I started denying that I'm being unhappy with my life. I started hiding it in with material things and prestige, and it was good.. until it lasted for a few seconds. I didn't even feel that the second semester has started because there's just too much pressure, and it has gotten a hold of me.
I'm know what I'm used to be. I'm not what my blockmates think I am. I'm not the same old freakin' cheerful-slash-insanely demented person whom I used to be. And these make me sad.
I thought being on top was great, but being there alone was worst than I thought. And even though I achieve partly all the things I wanted, deep inside I'm hurt.
I wish I could go back to the old times, and feel that I still have my heart with me. And that my friends are there to keep me happy. I never cried like this for a few weeks now. And I didn't know that all the sadness has welled up inside me this much.
I'm missing them.. all of them. If they only knew.
Y
i'M STiLL LOViNG iT!
Y
8:42 AM
Sunday, November 12, 2006
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{Imelda Marcos, make-up & hesitations;
Mood: fighting the urge/finding a way to sleep
Listening to: We Ride by Rihanna
My family heard Mass around 9'o clock this morning. It was just the typical Sunday, with me wearing my latest outfit. A few minutes after the Mass started, Imelda Marcos sat in front of us wearing an all-green ensemble ~ her usual Filipiniana one. It was weird in a sense that my usual connotation when I hear her name is that she's the wife of the late Pres. Marcos. But it ends there, and it was weird still to hear Mass behind her. Oh well, she's just human.
Okay, that made no sense. Or did it?
After hearing Mass, me and my mom decided to go to the grocery first since it was too late to grab breakfast and too early for lunch. Blah blah blah. I read Five People You Meet In Heaven while 'lazily' walking aisle after aisle of stuff. Then I insisted my mom to buy me a new blush-on. I was opting for something expensive, but I know my mom won't allow me. So, I decided to buy a powder blush-on that's close to the shade of Estee Lauder's Mocha Rose ~ the only shade I totally fell in love with. Blah blah blah. Grab the thing, pay at the counter and go home.
- - - - - - - -
Seriously, I'm not too keen on the idea of going to school tomorrow. Second semester's about to start, but I shudder the thought. It would mean more work load for me, aside from the work at Council plus my work at Centerpost, Artists' Guild and perhaps Peer Counselors. I can't seem to think why all my classmates find a lot of reasons to complain about our new schedule. I mean, don't I have a big say on things, like "I got more reasons to complain but I try not to because it would just add to the problem".
Have I developed the 'abnormally' optimistic take on things? It's just pathetic. Everyone's complaining; I seem perfectly fine and happy with things. Is that weird enough?
The bottom line's this, mind you.
Everyone's complaining about the new schedule.
Everyone's complaining why we have Saturday classes.
Everyone's complaining about something.
Most people rely on me for their lifeline.
Some people just can't get a life of their own.
Some people just don't have common sense.
Not all people think like I do ~ face it, Faye.
LIFE IS FREAKIN' WEIRD (by typical standards).
Y
i'M STiLL LOViNG iT!
Y
8:28 PM
Thursday, November 09, 2006
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{Yey! That Shopping Thang!;
Mood: groovin' (yeah!)
Listening to: My Love by Justin Timberlake
My mom fetched me from school around 4pm today. We went to Mall of Asia because I wanted to splurge, yet again, on new clothes. So, I eventually told her that I already got the 'incentive' from the Student Council. Yey! I got Php1,000 ~ good enough to spend on shopping! Yeah, I know that I should have spent it wisely but it's another part of my therapy 'coz I'm currently bummed about my degraded voice because of 'the darn infection'.
I only got a hold of that envelope containing my incentive for like, 2 hours, and yet my hands 'itched' again so I spent it that as fast as how I got it. I went to my favorite shops: Folded and Hung and People are People, but I wasn't satisfied with what they have to offer. If I would buy something from PrP, it would be impractical and to think that I have almost the same things in my closet; same goes with F&H. So, me and my mom started pacing the long corridors of MOA and stumbled upon this shop called "Shapes". That name caught my attention, so I went in. There was this guy.. gay, who helped me pick out some chic tops ~ and I ended up with 2 great pieces at Php1,350. I bought a flowy orange top and a sporty yet chic green&white striped top. Simple perfect! They definitely lived up to their monicker, "Shapes". Every piece they have hugs a woman's curve, or even if you have none they'll create the 'illusion' that you have one.
Yey! I have a new favorite store. Nota bene!
Y
i'M STiLL LOViNG iT!
Y
10:15 PM
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
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{What a Bummer!;
Mood: sleepy, still
Listening to: Shui Zui Piao Liang by 7F
Life ain't fair, big time! I got home from the doctor's this morning to a terrible news: I have upper respiratory tract infection. Darn it! Whenever I try to speak, only a gust of air comes out of my mouth. It's sad, I can't talk for probably more than a week (but I'm hoping that it won't take THAT long). Because of this, I missed out on a lot of things, yet again. I missed the Artists' Guild rehearsals for the second time this week, and I wasn't able to work at the SAF Collections.
I WANT MY VOICE BACK!
Darn that infection.
Darn that ube ice cream I ate last Saturday.
Darn those choco chip cookies I ate last Monday.
Darn that last choco chip cookie I ate last night.
Y
i'M STiLL LOViNG iT!
Y
3:08 PM
Thursday, November 02, 2006
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{I'm sick & I know it;
Mood: sleepy
Listening to: Hui Dao Wo Shen Bian by 5566
I've been sailing on rough waters lately, and the struggle to get through things are taking its toll on me. Yes, I'm sick; sick of thinking hard, working hard and waking up early. I felt that the spark that motivated me to do things has faded and I am just doing things simply for accomplishment. It's not that I don't want to do it anymore, it's just that I probably need a break. Many people may not understand, but everything's degrading me emotionally.
Some people actually think that I'm weird. Everybody's weird in their own way, right? So why do some of them have to rub it in my face. Duh!~ And yes, I cannot deny that I am sick in a way that I started hating myself. I would loathe myself when I don't do things prior to my expectations, like when I got my class cards last week. I blamed myself for not making it to the dean's list. Sure, I made the cut but my friggin' professor gave me a 2.25 in Chemistry. I know very well that I don't deserve that grade because I studied hard for her class despite the fact that I'm not very good at it. I even came to the point where I swallowed my sky-high 'hidden' pride by letting my classmate tutor me for that friggin' class, and still she gave me crap! Problem is, I couldn't question her because she is so 'brilliant' as to not even give us grounds to how we got our grade, or whatever.
Another 'illness' I have is that I started arguing with myself whenever I feel down or when I think that I didn't wear the right outfit when I go out. My mom even scolded me while we were in Mall of Asia today because I had argued with myself and with her for the past 2 hours that we were trying to find an outfit. I blamed myself for not looking good, for having flaws and everything. This has never happened to me before, so why now? Even I find things strange. I know that it's all in my head, but I can't even shake the thought off.
So here I am again, doing therapy: listening to 5566 albums. Their music seem to calm me down. Last summer 2005, their music served as my therapy for depression. I was able to keep focus on my goals. Maybe it could help me regain what I've lost out of working too hard. Maybe. There's still hope though.
Y
i'M STiLL LOViNG iT!
Y
9:49 PM
