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Thursday, November 02, 2006

<{I'm sick & I know it;

Mood: sleepy

Listening to: Hui Dao Wo Shen Bian by 5566

I've been sailing on rough waters lately, and the struggle to get through things are taking its toll on me. Yes, I'm sick; sick of thinking hard, working hard and waking up early. I felt that the spark that motivated me to do things has faded and I am just doing things simply for accomplishment. It's not that I don't want to do it anymore, it's just that I probably need a break. Many people may not understand, but everything's degrading me emotionally.

Some people actually think that I'm weird. Everybody's weird in their own way, right? So why do some of them have to rub it in my face. Duh!~ And yes, I cannot deny that I am sick in a way that I started hating myself. I would loathe myself when I don't do things prior to my expectations, like when I got my class cards last week. I blamed myself for not making it to the dean's list. Sure, I made the cut but my friggin' professor gave me a 2.25 in Chemistry. I know very well that I don't deserve that grade because I studied hard for her class despite the fact that I'm not very good at it. I even came to the point where I swallowed my sky-high 'hidden' pride by letting my classmate tutor me for that friggin' class, and still she gave me crap! Problem is, I couldn't question her because she is so 'brilliant' as to not even give us grounds to how we got our grade, or whatever.

Another 'illness' I have is that I started arguing with myself whenever I feel down or when I think that I didn't wear the right outfit when I go out. My mom even scolded me while we were in Mall of Asia today because I had argued with myself and with her for the past 2 hours that we were trying to find an outfit. I blamed myself for not looking good, for having flaws and everything. This has never happened to me before, so why now? Even I find things strange. I know that it's all in my head, but I can't even shake the thought off.

So here I am again, doing therapy: listening to 5566 albums. Their music seem to calm me down. Last summer 2005, their music served as my therapy for depression. I was able to keep focus on my goals. Maybe it could help me regain what I've lost out of working too hard. Maybe. There's still hope though.

Y i'M STiLL LOViNG iT! Y 9:49 PM

Before anything else

Welcome to IAmXiaFeng! A blog where as always, sleep is a blessing and studying to become a Registered Nurse is such a burden. If you have plans of becoming a Nurse, or if you just want to read of other people's lives then go ahead! Get in touch with my purely 'toxic' life and don't forget to shout-out before leaving my realm. Mwah!

Pump up the volume for The Way I Are by Timbaland!

CHIC' ♥

FAYEE {XiaFeng} is an 18 year old aspiring thespian living in the wonderous Pearl of the Orient Seas, the Philippines. She is currently a Nursing student at Manila Doctors College and is very much a 'busy-body'; a versatile individual. Also she is currently affiliated with 3 organizations, one of which is the Student Government. Right now, she worries a lot about her various responsibilities. Furthermore, her name is now infamously synonymous to the word 'stress'. You will often than not see her killing time at either the SCO Office, Starbucks Bluewave or Mall of Asia. If by any chance you catch her red-handed holding a latte or frapp, you may blackmail her to buy you one through the following:

[X] [X] [X]

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HER HIGHNESS' ♥

DIGS
chic clothing!
sensible people
intelligent guys
spontaneity
music & theatre arts

HATES
procastination
'hollow' minds
online gaming
user-friendly people
indecisiveness

History

February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
May 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
January 2008
March 2008

GETAWAY

WISHFUL THINKING

~~Be a dean's lister~~
Dean's lister again
~~Good grades in the 2nd Sem.~~
~~Good grades in the 1st Sem.~~

~~pulling off my debut plans~~

~~Nokia N72~~
~~Nokia N73~~
Motorola V3i Dolce&Gabbana
~~iPod video~~
~~laptop~~
Honda Civic/Toyota Camry

~~STARBUCKS organizer!~~
~~STARBUCKS organizer for 2008~~
BIG, BIG teddy bear
~~Sophie's World~~
~~HP Order of Phoenix book~~

~~SHOPPING SPREE!~~
~~big quilted bag~~

~~CHICOSCI's self-titled album~~
URBANDUB's Embrace album

~~URBANDUB's USL album~~

~~Miss Saigon Soundtrack~~

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PARTY PEOPLE
abie donna jieliam haeja justine mikee yuffie

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