<{Lose yourself in the game.. of life;
Listening to: The First Cut Is The Deepest by Sheryl Crow
I woke up early today to do something for our Chemistry lab class.
After that, I viewed this blog to see Haeja's tags. I also opened my Friendster account to see some pictures, and I saw some pretty 'envious' things.
And I felt sad. Sad because I feel that I am a threat to myself. Sad because I can't even talk to my closest highschool friends. Sad because I lost touch of what I can do with life.
'The world doesn't revolve around us'. True. Haeja was always true, and this brought me to tears. She always knew who I really was more than I knew myself. For the past weeks, I started denying that I'm being unhappy with my life. I started hiding it in with material things and prestige, and it was good.. until it lasted for a few seconds. I didn't even feel that the second semester has started because there's just too much pressure, and it has gotten a hold of me.
I'm know what I'm used to be. I'm not what my blockmates think I am. I'm not the same old freakin' cheerful-slash-insanely demented person whom I used to be. And these make me sad.
I thought being on top was great, but being there alone was worst than I thought. And even though I achieve partly all the things I wanted, deep inside I'm hurt.
I wish I could go back to the old times, and feel that I still have my heart with me. And that my friends are there to keep me happy. I never cried like this for a few weeks now. And I didn't know that all the sadness has welled up inside me this much.
I'm missing them.. all of them. If they only knew.
Y i'M STiLL LOViNG iT! Y 8:42 AM
