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Monday, September 10, 2007

<{Sinking Into Depression;

Mood: pissed off/stressed/depressed/frustrated
Listening to: Mighty to Save (from Hillsong Australia)

Okay. After a gazillion years of not blogging, I'll keep this one short somehow.

SCHOOL IS KILLING ME, swear! I tried persuading my parents (again) to let me shift courses.

The catch? They wanted me to take up LAW. But the most painful part of it is not shifting courses, but rather leaving behind a lot of responsibilities and things that I've achieved through all my efforts during the past year.

Well, in the first place I really didn't want to be so stuck up in Nursing. The second is I "tried" to persuade my parents because I feel that I am going nowhere. Nursing IS a good course - but it's not something that I'll take up seriously and whole-heartedly, not unless I forget that I once had a dream...

Last week, I got most of my midterm grades and I was gravely disappointed. It's not because I want to compete with others, rather it has been my impulse to get high grades (even back then). It was so frustrating to have studied hard, and yet I still feel like everything's in discord.

Last Friday and Saturday, I felt like committing... (insert a negative word here). I don't know. Somehow for the first time in my life, I almost gave up on something. Being in the community that day tired me so much that I couldn't think sensibly anymore, plus having too much negative thoughts probably poisoned my mind. A lot has happened, really.

A few hours ago, I tried desperately to do my Statistics homework - to no avail. I couldn't understand a f***ing thing, and in a weird way I forgot all the methods in solving it. I couldn't comprehend anything. Then I tried studying for our Microbiology exam, and I couldn't focus.. then I started sobbing uncontrollably.

So I went online, went to Google.com and typed in "depression, wikipedia". True enough, I'm now suffering from Depression and Anxious (Avoidant) Personality Personality - with 8 out of 10 symptoms present.

It was crazy. Now it's already morning and I have an 8:30 class.. I haven't studied for the Statistics quiz, I haven't done my homework, I haven't given much thought on our upcoming Family Case Presentation.. and it's all because of that f***ing depression thing.

It's hopeless.

Y i'M STiLL LOViNG iT! Y 1:22 AM

Before anything else

Welcome to IAmXiaFeng! A blog where as always, sleep is a blessing and studying to become a Registered Nurse is such a burden. If you have plans of becoming a Nurse, or if you just want to read of other people's lives then go ahead! Get in touch with my purely 'toxic' life and don't forget to shout-out before leaving my realm. Mwah!

Pump up the volume for The Way I Are by Timbaland!

CHIC' ♥

FAYEE {XiaFeng} is an 18 year old aspiring thespian living in the wonderous Pearl of the Orient Seas, the Philippines. She is currently a Nursing student at Manila Doctors College and is very much a 'busy-body'; a versatile individual. Also she is currently affiliated with 3 organizations, one of which is the Student Government. Right now, she worries a lot about her various responsibilities. Furthermore, her name is now infamously synonymous to the word 'stress'. You will often than not see her killing time at either the SCO Office, Starbucks Bluewave or Mall of Asia. If by any chance you catch her red-handed holding a latte or frapp, you may blackmail her to buy you one through the following:

[X] [X] [X]

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HER HIGHNESS' ♥

DIGS
chic clothing!
sensible people
intelligent guys
spontaneity
music & theatre arts

HATES
procastination
'hollow' minds
online gaming
user-friendly people
indecisiveness

History

February 2006
March 2006
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August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
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December 2006
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February 2007
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GETAWAY

WISHFUL THINKING

~~Be a dean's lister~~
Dean's lister again
~~Good grades in the 2nd Sem.~~
~~Good grades in the 1st Sem.~~

~~pulling off my debut plans~~

~~Nokia N72~~
~~Nokia N73~~
Motorola V3i Dolce&Gabbana
~~iPod video~~
~~laptop~~
Honda Civic/Toyota Camry

~~STARBUCKS organizer!~~
~~STARBUCKS organizer for 2008~~
BIG, BIG teddy bear
~~Sophie's World~~
~~HP Order of Phoenix book~~

~~SHOPPING SPREE!~~
~~big quilted bag~~

~~CHICOSCI's self-titled album~~
URBANDUB's Embrace album

~~URBANDUB's USL album~~

~~Miss Saigon Soundtrack~~

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